Baby It's Cold Outside

Well it appears that winter may *finally* have made its appearance! Although I hate driving my Jetta through the snow I am happy for the local economy and my clients..aka..Sunriver. While getting ready for the holidays (which consists of shopping at Overstock.com as I have 0 time to do anything but work) I have been energized by the Christmas Spirit. Maybe it is due in part to the fact that I get to spend every weekend in Santa wonderland and weekdays giving tours to elementary school children. Something about seeing the bright faces of children makes my heart swell! I must include that having TIM around has helped, nothing brightens a holiday like a new relationship. Although I am not counting the Tim chickens until they have hatched and returned from Columbia where he is currently vacationing. Anyway I am more just rambeling and getting excited to spend Christmas with family and friends!

Speechless

The election is nothing short of moving, heart-warming, history making, hope renewing goodness. I seriously have not stopped crying. When I listen to Obama speak, read what people around the world are saying, think about the potential of our country it fills my heart with hope and my eyes with tears of joy. I am off to work BUT I leave my house with a sense that the black cloud that has hovered over the people of this great nation is lifting. I leave my house filled with hope and excitement.

Have I mentioned the love of my life NPH?

Oh Yes I may have failed to mention I am head over heels for a boy that goes by NPH aka Neil Patrick Harris aka Doogie Howser. If you have yet to view Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog you are really missing out. I discovered Dr. Horrible while searching the internet a few months back for Buffy The Vampire Slayer comic books (you heard right) when I stumbled upon Joss Whedon's newest baby Dr. Horrible. FYI Joss Whedon created Buffy ergo he is my hero. It is awesome! There is singing and dancing and an Evil League of Evil...what more could a girl ask for? For the low price of $5.97 all three acts can be purchased on iTunes.

As a small testament to my love of NPH I met a guy in Corvallis who was the spitting image of NPH. I was visiting Olivia and we were grabbing a drink at a campus bar after the game and this Doogie Howser look alike comes up and start talking to me. I literally dropped my beer and then turned a bright shade of red. I don't blush EVER. Needless to say I looked like an idiot but the nice kid kept talking to me while Olivia explained my inability to form sentences. After he bought me another beer to replace the one I dropped on him we had a good laugh. Olivia and I left for home shortly after but the second I woke up Sunday morning I had to make Olivia confirm that I had in fact met the younger version of NPH. Good times, good story.

Anyway, I realize that this blog is a true testament to my complete nerd personality but I don't care. I am a nerd and I am super proud of it. I like being silly!

In an effort to write more

Ever since I started this darn blog I have a) yet to really share it with anyone and b) yet to actually commit to writing on a regular basis. I am going to try and change that as I really like being able to get my thoughts out in a place where I can reflect on them later. Heck, I may even let people know it's out here and available for reading! I know I love reading Angie's blog everyday. It is a tiny insight into one of my best friend's daily happenings. Helps me feel connected to her even though she is far away.

So tonight I went down to BBC for the Tuesday night ritual of dinner and brews with K2. It is locals night and so the brews are cheap and it is a fun little atmosphere. Only problem is I don't like beer. Yes, I do realize that I live in the Pac NW where good beer is a staple and that I should love a good brew BUT I don't. Give me Miller Lite any day! Above all else I rather drink vodka or red wine but since we go to the brewery I dutifully order an IPA and it takes me the entire evening to finish the pint. The usual evening ensued...we discuss all the boys in the bar at the current moment, order food from the only waiter I have ever had there and commence discussion on current work/dating/lack of dating/upcoming events. All in all I was back home in time for House. Seriously, I might have an addiction to this show. I may or may not be obsessed. I am also going to try and not begin rambling about my extreme frustration in the dating world of Bend, OR. Not going to start on that rampage. I did however do the right thing by The Baby (fondly named because he was only 23...sidebar...do not date 23 year olds). Turns out I just could not keep him, I let him go back into the ocean where he can frolick with fishies his own age.

Ok that was step one in actually making this into a blog. Now I am off to watch House on fox.com (I do have a problem), and then to read as many pages in The Gospel of John as I can before I get confused (so maybe 2).

World, here I come

Well I made it to 27. I have been so looking forward to this Birthday its crazy. Not only is 27 my favorite number but I also really need to put the last year behind me. I spent 27 with my family and friends. My Dad and I went to SF to visit my grandparents in my last ditch effort to save my relationship with them, somehow I think it failed. It makes me so sad that their is such a rift in the family. I hope one day I can marry a man with a normal disfunctional family. It pains me to see the way they speak to my father. My only comfort is knowing that my children will never have to go through that. My dad will be so amazingly close to my kids. I am so lucky to have a man like him as a father. Sometimes it brings me to tears just thinking of how much I love him. Aside from the grandparents we went to the city. Mary, my dad and my dear friends Angie and Adam. We went to a fab veggie restaurant and then watched the fireworks over the bay. It made me so happy to spend time with my family. Life is all about the people you share it with. I have also set some great goals for 27 (I am positive this is my magic year!) I am going to grow my business, I am going to travel to Buenos Aires, I am going to continue to try and be the best person I can be and most importantly I am going to develop my relationship with God and trust his plan for me. I am really excited about all of these goals and I cannot wait to see what they bring to my life.

The Day Looks Bright

In the past couple of months Kim and I have rally begun to take our business to the next level. Things are really looking good for us and life is about to change in a big way. We are taking a big leap into the real world this week and I have never been so scared and excited. Business is my thing and I am really doing what I love and learning a lot along the way. I keep listening to Journey "Don't Stop Believin" to make myself feel better. Needless to say life is never going to be the same. It is one of those points when the chapter changes. It's hard to say goodbye to what was but I am so excited to see what the next couple of years hold. I came to the conclusion that nobody was going to hand me the life I wanted so I better go out and get it. The biggest change, and I think the most symbolic is that I am leaving Sidelines. That bar and the people have been family to me over the past couple of years and I damn well never would have made it if it was not for their love and support. While they will always be family I am ready to move on.

Never Stop Laughing

Well well well. It's so strange when I read my past blogs over because I usually feel so far from the feelings that I wrote in the past. I suppose it's a good thing that I keep moving on and changing. Trying to get better every day. Funny enough I am actually starting to feel better. I went to Spain alone on a search for my heart and soul. Turns out that they were just waiting for me on a bench in Retiro park. It was the most overwhelming feeling. I was sitting on a bench and mulling over every tiny thing that has happened. All of the things I refuse to think about and talk about I just let them out and gave them up to God. I kept telling myself that it was OK and that I loved myself anyway. God finally granted me reprieve from my pain. It was amazing. I physically felt like I got my life back. I have gone through so many years of feeling alone and desperate and feeling like I was not worth anything to anyone. I felt like I did not deserve anyone's love because I could not love myself. I finally gave it all up to God and am now trusting that he has a plan for me and my best interest at heart. I believe. That coupled with the ongoing therapy I feel like I am on a good path.

Now I am just working on being the best Amanda I can be and waiting patiently for God to grant me a person to share it with. I as sick and tired of being alone in this world. I want someone to explore with, I want someone to enjoy this life with. I want to laugh, cry, run, jump and splash with someone. Someday. Someday.